Oh so LOVE December. :)

Hey, what's up?

I haven't blogged for quite a long time huh? :))

Been busy lately. You know what I mean. :))

Soooo.

Time to spill.

Mom just went back to Australia a couple of days ago. By now she's already enjoying her vacation..AGAIN. :))

And you know what? I just had a very, VERY good feeling for december. :D

Wanna know why? Cause all my hard work is paying off. :D God is giving me a lot of blessings that I can't just simply thank him for.

I gave my SE phone to my bro and bought a new one. :)

I have A WHOLE LOT of money from my own pocket now. :D (But of course, I would not intend to have all those spent with non sense stuffs)

and lastly...

IT'S CHRISTMAS TIME! :D

That means Christmas shopping! :D

Just can't wait.

PS--

Thank you Lord. :)

SUDDEN SADNESS~

I'm just surfing the net.

Then..

I remembered my best friends Rachelle and Nico.

RACHELLE -- let's talk about her first.

She's no longer using Fs. And the last time I texted her, her reply is: "Who are you? Don't text me anymore."

I replied. But she didn't. Now I'm still asking myself why.

NICO -- my guy best friend.

I was also texting him. But it was months ago since we had a real conversation.

We had plans of going out. But none of those happened.






Now I'm wondering. They're my best friends. But WHY can't I feel their presence?
Are we still what I think we are? :|
Or am I just the only one left in that memory.





This gave me a sudden feeling of sadness. I feel like crying. Something inside me wants to shout out loud and burst out of tears.

ABANDONMENT.

That's what I'm feeling again. I don't know. I just really don't. I want to keep our communications. I want to see them. But do they? :(

19TH OF OCTOBER

I HATE IT.

I just hate it every time I catch a cold. I'll be okay if I have a fever but it's a big no-no for cough or cold.

Ugh. I also hate drinking meds. Gaaaah.

**remembers something**

We'll be moving to a different house. --sigh.

SO THIS IS HOW IT FEELS

OCTOBER 09 2009

3 missed calls.

October 10 2009 :

2:30 am | Office

I woke up. Checked my phone. There were 3 missed calls from my mom.

I asked her why she's calling me. She didn't replied that fast.

Then I already started to take in calls. During the middle of a call, I got her response.

..

..

..

Then all of a sudden, I felt the coldness all through out my body. SHIVER. BLANK.

She told me there was a landslide in Baguio, and that YANA died.

YANA is like my little sister. She's only around 8-10. She's very sweet, yet snobbish. I like her. Really.

I CAN'T BELIEVE IT. I DON'T WANT TO BELIEVE IT.

But it's true. She's gone. I haven't gotten a chance to even see her for the last time cause we can't go to Baguio.

I just cried everytime I remember what happened. She's not related to me. I'm not her real sister. But I felt like I've lost a family member.

Then, I realized. This is how it feels.

It sucks. I don't like it.

DO I HAVE A CHOICE?

Lately, I've been feeling so confused.

Yea, what's new?

Suddenly, I don't feel like going to school anymore. I wanna shift to another course. But if I change my course, I'm going to be a freshman stud.. AGAIN. That'll be my third time in case. Imagine, I was supposed to be in my junior year now, but this is what happened.

I want to take up mass communication again. But can I handle the hectic schedule? I DON'T KNOW.

If not mass communication, I would then choose any computer course. But, I'll be back on being a first year by then.

Do I have a choice?

My mom insists that I won't be graduating here. Cause we'll be going somewhere else -- and that I'll finish my studies there.. somewhere down below.

Do I want to be there and repeat all over?

Do I have a choice?

I want to finish my studies. I really want to. But I want to do I want. I want to finish taking up a course that I love.

I want to be able to do what I do best.

Do I have a choice?

I don't think so.

DISASTER STRIKES~

It's been almost 4 days now since the storm made a drastic effect in our place. Yes. Drastic.

No lights. Unbelievable water level. Unbearable heat.

I really can't imagine that our house will be flooded that way, and even in our office -- total disaster. :|

I'm wondering, when will everything be back to normal?

IT"S NOT ABOUT YOU

I feel so bad,
my eyes are teary
and I can barely see.

Thoughts keep running
through my head
as I lay on my bed.

I keep on searching
not for him
but for another thing.

Yes, it's not him that
I'm looking for
anymore.

Aha! There you are,
my precious one,
my black guitar.

NOT ANOTHER MISTAKE.

Still remember the guy that I've mentioned in this blog site? Well that's a part of the past now. We've broken up last month -- before we even had our 5th month celebration. So what went wrong?

Everything was going on smoothly, I love how he cares about me. I just simply love being with him too. Little by little he has changed compared to what he was before. He became better. Our relationship grew. But for no reason at all, I started to fall out of love. Wait, scrub that off. Maybe there really is a reason. Then I've searched for it, thought about it, and knew what made me feel that way.

INGENUITY. That's one reason. I felt like I was not wanted but merely needed. Also, I really can't forget the time when he did something that really bothered me. That's not just plain jealousy I felt, but I also felt disrespected. Knowing that I'm there, in front of them -- he still did it. That's when I started to fall out. I tried to forget about it, but I just simply can't.

Then. We broke up.

Out of nowhere, I texted him that we're done. He was shocked, to the point that he really don't agree with what I've decided. I even talked to him in person just to officially end it up.

And that's it. End of the story.

I thought he was the one I've been waiting for all of my life. I felt a different kind of love. So different that it's not actually true.

Then, I met a guy from our office. I got interested in him and started to like him. A lot happened. And I don't know if I just did the same mistake again like what I did before. We talked everything over til we felt mutual for each other -- or at least that's what I thought.

Almost everyday we're together. He finds ways just to be with me. And we've been like this for more than a month now. All his actions, sweet nothings made me fall for him. But I did not know that's just it. He's not willing to go any further yet. He's not ready, that's what he says.

Then one day, I just felt different. I was longing for security. I was longing for assurance. But I know I should not demand anything from him. That's just not right. But it's just sad to know that though he can give me all the love and care in the world, he just can't give me anything to hold on to. I don't even have his word. He's just scared to even take any risk at the moment, and that's just what disappoints me. It's sad to know that the one you love can't try to be brave and get over with his past and try to move on..with you. Why can't he stand up on his knees and try to move forward? Why does he have to predict what can happen in the future? Can't he just go with the flow and just let things happen as it is?

He say he's not ready. But when will he be? By the time that I've fallen for someone else? What's the difference between tomorrow and now? I can understand him if we've just known each other for days. Well, perhaps he just don't think I deserve it. He thinks I can just be a mistake. That's why he's scared. And this is why I'm getting tired. He's somebody who's not willing to fight for you. And it just breaks my heart.

A VERY GOOD ESSAY I WROTE BEFORE THAT I CAN STILL RELATE TO.

JUST WHEN YOU THOUGHT YOU’VE LOST YOUR EVERYTHING

{ June 25, 2008 @ 1:04 am } ·

"The problem’s not you.. it’s me. It’s just that we can’t be together anymore."

It’s never easy to just forget something that you have been used to. It’s like your favorite doll being taken away from you when you’re still a little girl. At first, you can’t cope up. You’ll miss its presence and long for it once in a while. Why? Because of one simple reason: you’ve had it for a very long time that it has already become a part of your life. But hey, do you think you’ll just stay on that "i miss my doll" situation until the end of your life? If you think you will, then think again.

Letting go has really become one of the hardest choices a person makes. We can’t just simply let go of what we have in just a snap. It hurts a lot, actually. But still, you can’t even hold on to something that needs to go. It’s the reality of life. Change is the only permanent thing in this world as they say.

Same goes in relationships. There will come a time when suddenly, everything changes. You’d be asking yourself, "what’s the matter with him?" or "what’s going on?". You are absolutely clueless. Yea right, you two are still together. But you feel that there’s something weird going on. You’d ask him about the problem, and as usual, he’ll just say "nothing". Then you think about it and realize that there’s no problem at all. So you’ll ignore it. And you’re back to normal routines.

Days will pass. And without you knowing it, so is your partner. Just when you thought everything is alright, he’ll come up to you and say, "The problem’s not you.. it’s me. It’s just that we can’t be together anymore." You’d be in shock, and start to wonder what went wrong. Random thoughts will run through your mind. Amidst all these, one word stands out : "WHY?". You talk to him and ask about it, but nothing clears it up. Instead, his explanations left deeper questions.

So what happens next? Left into oblivion, you’d tell him that you’ll try to work things out — you’ll plea. But even if you do that, it won’t change the situation and the truth that your relationship with him is over — that he has left you for good.

You can do nothing about it anymore. He has decided, and you just have to respect his decision. Even if it hurts, all you can do is accept what happened and let go. That’s hard, I know. But you have no other choice. And you now have to face your biggest fear of losing him. You can’t hold him back, because you know to yourself that he won’t let you.

After being so used of having him by your side, sending you texts every day and walking you home, you now feel alone and down. You feel incomplete. You feel worthless. You feel that you’ve lost your "everything". Wait, stop on that part. He isn’t your everything, remember? And that’s also the reality. You still have your friends willing to help you get through it. They’re just waiting for you to let them lend a hand. It’s not the end of the world yet. And all you have to do is divert your attention onto something else, make yourself busy, and most importantly, don’t ever blame yourself on what happened. And if you really want to move on, then cut your communications for a couple of months. That’s helpful, I’m telling you. Besides, would you still want to be with someone who has left you for no reason at all? It’s his decision, so let him face it.

Time will pass and you’ll be able to adjust to everything and be back to how you live your life before he has come into it. If you see him, there’s no big deal. Who knows? Maybe, all the experiences you’ve gone through will be enough to make you know what to do next. And remember, just when you thought you’ve lost your everything, there would always be those significant others who will bring you back to reality and make you realize that everything isn’t lost yet — he’s just a passerby who made you into a wiser person you are now.

MY OLD POEMS (FROM A DIARY)

{ October 19, 2008 @ 11:12 pm }

KYOKI

*

Just lost my apetite
I dont want to eat
Tired of crying
I wanna sleep
I wanna sleep and
never wake up again
So when I open my eyes
I’m in heaven
With no problems
No heartaches and pains
Nothing to worry; carefree
I wanna rest; rest forever
Cause I can’t bear this
feeling anymore

-

NOTE: Nasulat ko to matapos uminom ng sangkatutak na gamot noon. Wag ng tanungin kung bakit. hehe. buhay pa naman ako eh. :p

`

BLUE SKY

Looking above, the sky’s so bright
Everything seems to be so right
Look! It’s very wide and clear
You won’t think of anything to fear
`
But I believe it’s not only about what I see
On its brightness and its rare beauty
Still, behind these are some mistery
About the greatness of what it seemed to be
`
Who knows when it will will dim?
Well nobodyelse, but only Him
Floating our lives would always be
With our dreams as bright as what I can see

-

SUNSET
*
As the sun sets, I watch the view
And it suddenly reminded me of you
Thoughts began to run through my mind
Memories I had, I started to bind
`
I reminisced the days that went so fast
When I made myself believe that it’ll last
But no! You’re not here, you went away
You didn’t even tell me you’re not gonna stay
`
And now, the sun slips away like you
For a minute or two, everything will be blue
Still, I know, this won’t be the end
Because tomorrow there’s hope and the sun will shine again.

-

Activity namin yan dati sa English. Assignment. May isa pang kasama yan eh, pero di ko makita.

-

MY BEST FRIEND
*
I won’t forget our days together
Times we shared with laughter and tears
The day we said we’ll be friends forever
A simple promise that no one else hears
-
You’ve become my greatest friend, it’s true
Who listened to every heartaches I cried
In times of despair you would help me through
It’s hard at times, but you always tried
-
I’ll always be thankful that it’s you I’ve met
For you taught me how to really be strong
Our time together isn’t that long yet
But it seems like a lifetime since we get along

-

And obviously, that poem is for my best friends. :)

LOVE REDEFINED

{ October 19, 2008 @ 7:13 pm }

Will you redefine love for me?
Cause I think I’ve lost its meaning
Is it all about being happy
Or just finding yourself crying?
-
When you can’t look him in the eyes
And feels uneasy when he’s around
Or having those consecutive sighs
Is it love that you have found?
-
Not so long ago I know how it feels
Loving somebody wholeheartedly
When he became the reason my heart sings
And being the only man that I seem to see
-
But all those memories slowly faded
When my heart grew tired of being broken
Shattered to pieces, never is it completed
Since the day you left, I can’t remember when
-
And now I don’t know where to find
That four letter word, other than the dictionary
Maybe I need to have love redefined
Tell me, can’t you help me in this journey?

WHAT I WANT

{ October 19, 2008 @ 6:38 pm }

There’s this feeling inside
So different, so new
A feeling i can’t really hide
I want to be near to you
-
With all the stories you tell
You make me wanna listen more
When I talk with you I feel well
I want you standing to my door
-
I’ve just suffered from a love disorder
Then you came to heal my sickness
I’m glad to have you as my doctor
To you my love will be no less.

-
IT’S NOT ME, NOW I SEE

{ October 19, 2008 @ 6:24 pm }

One night, we’re having a conversation
Filled with laughter and happiness
Suddenly, I felt this different emotion
Now I think I’m into a big mess
-
While talking with you, you opened up
About this girl you like so much
Listening made my heartbeat stop
Same name as mine, why is it such?
-
Hearing my name made me blush
Cause I thought you’re referring to me
Then I asked you about your crush
Just to find out it’s not me, now I see
-
My face slowly turned to white
And felt coldness throughout my body
To react against it, I have no right
But how I just hope that instead it’s me.

JUST LIKE YOU

{ October 17, 2008 @ 6:54 am }

I feel so down and gloomy
My tears won’t stop from falling
Don’t you feel a little guilty
For it’s only sadness you bring
-
I’ve been trying my hardest
To do every little thing you tell me
Why don’t you see me at my best
And just accept who I can only be
-
I thought you would understand
The things that I’m going through
I thought you would lend a hand
Not expect me to be just like YOU.


YOU

{ October 16, 2008 @ 11:11 pm } ·

Why can’t I accept the fact,
That I’m just a nobody for you.
You keep pushing me away,
But I always ignore the thing you do.
-
I want to go to the farthest place,
miles and miles away from you.
Instead of hoping that someday,
You could actually love me too.
-
Why do I still think of you,
Though you don’t even care.
Why do I have to fall in love with you,
When all these hurtings, I have to bear.

LIVE

{ October 16, 2008 @ 10:53 pm }

My heart keeps on beating fast
I don’t know when this will last
I can feel my body getting weak
As from my eyes falls a leak
*
I’ve been thinking for so long
When will I finally be strong
To face what lies ahead
Instead of wishing that I was dead
*
Can there be anyone out there
Who can help me breathe more air
Provide everything I need
Just like when I was still a kid
*
Love, care, and understanding
Will you give me those things?
I know it’s not that hard to give
So please I’m begging you, help me live

INCOMPLETE

{ October 16, 2008 @ 9:56 pm }

Why can’t I get you off my mind
Like you’re already a part of it
Can’t there be any other to find
Just to replace your every bit
*
Im getting tired of this scene
That keeps on repeating from time to time
With the same acts being seen
It’s like you and I do not really rhyme

FALLING

{ October 16, 2008 @ 9:54 pm }

Tonight we’re okay
The next day you’re away
How can you leave
When you made me believe
About those things you said
That still run through my head
*
I told you about my fear
Of wanting you to be near
For I knew it from the start
That you’ll only break my heart
And I keep on thinking how
You made me weep like this now
*
You haven’t done any
Yet to me you’ve caused many
Sleepless nights, unending cries
Why do you have to tell those lies?
I wasn’t prepared for what I’m feeling
Shouldn’t you at least gave me a warning?
*
I don’t know where these all started
Or even when will I be mended
But the only thing i know
Is that I have to let you go
‘Cause I can not be admitting
That for you I really am falling

GONE

{ October 16, 2008 @ 9:45 pm }

I keep on smiling
Yet inside I’m hurting
Pretending to be okay
Though I’m having a hard day
Trying my best to erase
Every memory and trace
Of the things you’ve done
Because now you’re gone

FINAL THOUGHTS OF YOU

{ October 16, 2008 @ 9:42 pm }

How can you ignore every tear I shed
When before you said you’d wipe it away
What i feel now slowly turns to hatred
For you cant really do the things you say

Is it me being foolish to hope
That you can still be the one for me
It seems very difficult to cope
You’ve changed from what you used to be

Perhaps now’s the time to finally just let go
And forget about everything we’ve gone through
Maybe tomorrow we’d be fine, I know
And just think that once in my life I had you

MIND RESET

{ October 16, 2008 @ 9:32 pm }

i thought i was over you
and it’s easy to find someone new
maybe i finally should admit
from you i had a really great hit

never did i imagine
that you’ll be whom i’m thinkin’
every morning i wake up
i cant make my mind stop

cant there be another chance
that i may have a dance
to the guy i love the most
a love found, and again lost

i dont know the reason why
there could never be you and I
thoughts crowd my head
what we used to have, now is dead

OLD POSTS GALING SA MULTIPS. :)

KANINANG MADALING ARAW..
Mar 22, '09 9:00 PM

Bigla akong nagka-urge gumawa ng kanta, kasi random thoughts na naman. Pero this time may pinagkukuhanan ng emotion.

I haven't thought of a title yet. Suggest? :))

HERE:

I.
I believed in all your lies
I should've known that you're just in a disguise
All this time I thought that you were the one
I've been waiting for, wishing for all of my life

II.
I didn't listen to my mind
Just because I thought you're one of a kind
With all your kisses and your sweet warm embrace
I couldn't ask for more, with you I'd love to spend all my days

Refrain I.
But I guess I was wrong
No, I'm not that strong
I wanna take it from the start
So I won't give my heart

Chorus.
To you.. I have fallen inlove
And you said you're not like any other
You made it hard for me to breathe
Everytime that you are near my heart beats faster

Oooh.. I have fallen inlove
And you said you're not like any other
You made it hard for me to breathe
Everytime that you are near my heart beats faster

*instumental*

Refrain 2.
Now I've learned from my mistake
I guess I'd give my heart a break
I'm gonna make it come what may
So I won't have to say..

Chorus.
That to you.. I have fallen inlove
And you said you're not like any other
You made it hard for me to breathe
Everytime that you are near my heart beats faster

Oooh.. I have fallen inlove
And you said you're not like any other
You made it hard for me to breathe
Everytime that you are near my heart beats faster

Oooh.. No..

I won't believe in all your lies.. anymore.

Here's the link for the scrap record. haha!
USE INTERNET EXPLORER to open/save :)
http://h1.ripway.com/limangjellybeans/song1.wma
Panget pagkakagitara. Wawa naman. :p

- - - - -

ALWAYS
Mar 2, '09 2:04 AM

Here's a poem I made. For my bestfriend Meg.
I felt really sad while making this one. :s

***

Everyday we've been together
Just like twins, just fraternal
Many times, you've lent your shoulder
And I thought it would be eternal

But then one day we grew apart
Since then I heard nothing from you
Unexpectedly I felt like I've broken my heart
Now a friendship fades, it used to true

How could I ever lose someone
Who is very important and priceless
Now you're so far away, gone
And I can't do anything about this mess

If only I could relive our moments
I could have done different and way better
The time we both share stuffs and sentiments
I am just thankful that you were there

Surely I will miss being with you
And all the things that we both had
Though I already have someone new
You'll always be the one I'd want so bad


***

She'll always be my BETCHfriend. :(

- - - - -

MAKE THOSE LAST

{ October 20, 2008 @ 7:47 pm }

“I want to go back to the past

So I can make those memories last

When we’re laughing and having fun

Doing anything under the sun.”

-

“I hear you sing, your voice so cold

When you speak, your hands I want to hold

And take you to a place only both of us know

Singing our melodies though the tune is low.”

-

It’s been a while since we’ve seen each other

Cause before, I won’t really even bother

But it’s nice to spend some time with you

Feels like you’re a friend whom I just knew.”

***

Ito yung mga one-stanza poem ko na nagawa while Zyrael’s with me last night. I really REALLY missed him. :) I miss our elementary days, those childhood moments. Sabi nga namin, mas masarap pang balikan yung elementary, kasi noon, wala pa kaming alam sa plastikan. hehehe. :p

-

How I wish I can go back to those FUN days. One of the happiest parts of my life.

- - - - -

I’M YOURS

{ October 20, 2008 @ 2:31 am } ·

“It’s our God-forsaken right to be LOVED.”

That’s a line from Jason Mraz’ song IM YOURS. I really love that line sooo much. :)

***

Lately, I could say that I have abused my heart so badly. It has come to a point when all I could do every night is cry, cry, and cry. I’ve been crying myself to sleep for a couple of nights. So whatever. But what’s the reason of all these?

-

Man’s sweetness and thoughtfulness is my WEAKNESS. I don’t know why, but I easily fall to those who show too much care for me. Maybe it’s because I’m actually longing for some affection, or rather, I’m longing for someone to love.

-

I really miss having that somebody whom I can call baby or honey. That somebody who spends his time with me, and makes me feel like I was never alone all along. That sounds “emo”, I know. hehe.

-

But why is that when I’m now ready to LOVE again SERIOUSLY, love seems to turn its back on me? Why is it that when I love someone, I am not loved back? They always think that I’m not taking them seriously. It’s SO not me. Before, I used to be so playful in relationships–being childish and immature. I even had too many boys before. But those days are gone now. I’m ready to love COMPLETELY. I want to LOVE somebody, and be LOVED in return.

-

I WANNA EXPERIENCE “LOVE” AGAIN. BUT THIS TIME, MORE SERIOUSLY.

-

I don’t wanna be that ignorant child anymore.

AN AGENT.. STILL.

Gosh, May 16th pa yung last post ko dito. I've been VEEEERY busy the past months eh. School, work, and other stuffs.

Anyway, finally I've remembered to update this blog. So.. Let's catch up. :)

**NOTE: This post will first be about work and school. Next post will be about anything else.

I'm still studying, while working as a call center agent and a dubber as well. After 3 months of being on operations, we were transferred to technical support, making us CSR's no more. But it means higher salary though. During the first week of training for Tech Support (TS), it was difficult as hell. Nose bleeding happens. haha! But thank God we were able to cope up and hopefully I'll be regularized by October 15. We even have what they call 'development plan' for an entire month which started by the end of August's last week. We're already on our way to the 4th week, and we're able to somehow meet our targets. And guess what? Our Average Handling Time (AHT) is always low! I never imagined we could even have an AHT lower than 10mins because while in TQ, usual AHT is around 15 mins and up. I even had an AHT of more than 20 mins. Also, I always have a CSAT of 10 -- though my QA is not that good. But I'll work on that.

If there's one thing that I don't like about my work, it's the fact that I'm getting sick because of it. There came a point when I'm drinking 6 different meds in a day.

Also, starting mid September, I also start to dub again for an anime entitled MAR. It will be aired on Ch. 2 by October. It's just kind of stressful since I don't have rest every Wednesday through Friday. It's a good thing this semester's almost done.

I'm starting to think if I'll still continue studying. I'm getting bored. But I know I have to stay in school. *sigh*

JUST UPDATING YOU GUYS, BUHAY PA KO. :))

Oo. Buhay pa naman ako, so far. Pero feeling ko isa na akong bampira, nocturnal. :)) Oo, kasi graveyard shift ko sa work. Pero keri naman. Kasi eenroll ako next sem while working, oha. Challenging! :))

But I'm liking it though. Kahit na may pagka-stressful. Lalo na yung mga calls na oh so whatever, ang sarap i-release. :)) Pero shempre, di ko yun ginagawa. Good girl ako eh. haha!

Ayun, then what else?

Hmm, emotionally I'm fine. Happy and contented, I must say. Natutuwa ako sa kanya. No, natutuwa ako overall sa relationship namen and how things are smoothly sailing. *ops, pwera usog* =))

Btw, ayun nga. Happy. And hindi siya like nung isang ex ko na pandagdag stress sa buhay ko. Alala ko dati, sabi ni ex saken "Kung di ka busy, tulog ka" :)) Laugh trip naman yun. Pero etong si babe, nakakatuwa. Kasi as in undersanding, at tsaka basta. Can't explain it thoroughly. Basta we're 101% good. And I love it.

Pati yung work. I'm getting the hang of it already. And hopefully ma-handle ko siya. Sarap sumweldo eh. God, ang baet mo! :D

And ano pa ba? Ayun, mom ko punta Australia sa 21. Kaya basically, kina Lola kami nakatira. Though separate yung kwarto namen ni kuya. haha. And okay din dun, pampered ako. I mean, iba talaga. Alaga. :D

At tsakaaa. Hmm, ayun nga. I'm planning to buy a new phone by next month. Shempre mag-eenroll ako kaya next month na lang. Ahaha.

Basta God thank you talaga, you're giving me more than enough. And I really do appreciate it. Whew. Love you Lord. :D

1st Day of Training

So here I am, in front of my computer, blogging about what happened the entire 8 hours during my training.

Well, I'll start off by telling you that I am TWENTY minutes late. And I just hate it. Also, I don't feel so comfortable with what I'm wearing since it's not that cold in the room and I can't take my jacket off. Okay, proceeding to the next one. I also forget to bring a pen. Isn't that great? :)) And above all these, I DON'T HAVE A GOOD AREA. I sat at the back during the first 20 minutes I guess, and transferred to the other vacant one. I just kept on trading places every now and then. :p

LUNCH BREAK at 9:00 AM. Would you even consider that lunch?! Perhaps tomorrow I really won't be eating rice on that break anymore.

Then, I gained friends! Yey! Haha!

I met these girls named Julie Ann and Ate Ditas. They are fun to be with. We're actually a bunch of LADIES flocking around the table during the break so I won't tell their names anymore. It's fun though, since I had the chance of chatting with them.

And then we went back to the training room and I sat beside them instead. Since then, we've been talking a lot--being finally more comfortable with each other. We shared different stories of our own.

I really like those two, specially Jules. That's why we even walked til the end of the gate on our way home. I guess I just find her interesting and vice versa.

Good thing I have 'friends', so I wont have to worry about being an outcast anymore.

PS:
There are some of my co-trainees that I don't like. I'm just plainly intimidated by their simple actions. I don't know why, but I won't care. :)

IT'S TIME TO HAVE A TASTE OF IT.

Tomorrow, I'll be starting my training for Concentrix and my schedule is 5AM until 2PM. That means I have to wake up VERY early. But it's no big deal though. Since I'd be (hopefully) working in a call center, waking up early and staying up late would become a part of my everyday routine already. Just like what is stated on my title, IT'S TIME TO HAVE A TASTE OF IT. :))

Honestly, I'm quite excited about it. I want to finally sign that contract and EARN. Yes, I want to earn so I can be of help to my mom. :) Besides, I can still do my dubbing activities even I'm in a call center, so that would be just great.

Starting tomorrow, I'd be kind of busy. But I can manage -- I guess. Haha!

Oh, I remembered something. I wanted to work in a call center because I want to earn while I'm not yet graduating college. And I want to actually have experience on the busy and stressing kind of job. I find it challenging for me. Besides, it's summer vacation. So I have all the time I need to adapt in this field. I don't care about what other people think of it, cause they won't give me the money I need either way. ;)

IT'S BEEN QUITE A WHILE

As you can see, the previous post is dated September 30, 2008. But hey, it's already March 30, 2009 now. It's been half a year since my last post here. Well, that's probably because I've been writing my blogs in my Multiply account more often.

So, just to give an update to what happened within that 6-month span, here's the "HIGHLIGHTS" or the important events:

*I had my debut celebration on November 5th. And it's REALLY fun. A very special day for me.

*I got the role of DIEGO in Go Diego Go. Dubbing isn't starting yet.

*I got my heart broken, MANY TIMES this period. But because of that, I was able to write LOTS of poems.

*Brian and I started to go out. Watch movies, dine, etc.

*I won 3rd place in the Battle of the Bands. :D

*The month of January was really a disturbing one. I went home drunk, then something else happened at the session at Russel's house. Never will I ever forget that, I KNOW.

*I met Tropang Dapitan, and later got 100% separated from them and from Brian as well. I actually thought they might be a good barkada, but I proved myself wrong.

*Dad arrived from Australia late January and they got married on the 7th of February.

*Meg and I had a misunderstanding and was unable to communicate well to each other fr two whole weeks last February.

*Joaquin and I regained communication, and even gotten to higher level. If you know what I mean. Though it's kind of difficult. (I'll blog about it later)

*My brother and I passed the initial exams and interview for TELETECH, and later we'll be having our final interview.


Actually, sobrang daming nangyari. I just can't give all the details, but those are the major ones.

Well, I hope I could update this blog more often. :)

29TH OF SEPTEMBER

I only had the chance to write this blog this morning. ANYWAY..

Yesterday was one of my HAPPIEST day ever~

I started the day waking up at 6 o’clock in the morning. WHY? Because I planned on going to CEU Manila to meet my best friends. So I waited for MEGGIE and TENTEN, since they’ll go with me. I was already dressed up by 6:30, and guess what? BOTH of them came LATE! :]] Meggie arrived at around 8:30, and minutes after that, Tenten called. He said he’s near our house already. OKAY, so enough about the leaving-the-house-moments.

We rode a trike going to ROTONDA. I still remember when I used to take a picture with my other BEST friends in a tricycle.. I did it again. Haha. And this time, with meggie~ SAME SHOT. SAME POSITION. SAME SCENARIO. :]

Then, we waited at 7-11 for a while. I waved at the first QUIAPO jeep I saw, then meggie said “ayun mas maluwag”. Instead of getting in to first one, we rode the second jeep. Imagine that scene. I can feel the inis of the first driver to what I did. Haha. Good thing he didn’t say anything.

On our way to MANILA, meggie, ten, and I had some.. no, let’s say A LOT of laugh trips. KANTINA NI POGI. Ten’s tampo thing. PICTORIAL. Haha. Lots of fun. LAUGHTER fills the jeepney. :]]

We decided to drop by at the AU-LEGARDA to see our classmates: who were at that time cheering for the team. Ten was not able to get inside for he forgot to bring his ID. We didn’t stay long there.

We walked our way to CEU. It’s REALLY hot. And pollution is EVERYWHERE~ Needless to say, we had some tripping while walking.

So there, we FINALLY arrived at CEU. We pretended as if we are going to inquire about transferring there so that we can enter the campus. But, rachelle isn’t there, so we had to go to RECTO to see her. She was with my other classmates LESLIE and DIANE at a cd writing station.

We then left the two girls and went to one of our fave hang outs when I’m still studying at CEU—EVER. :] We strolled a bit, and went to the arcade area. Like the usual routine, we sang on the KARAOKE cubicle. After that, chelle and I played the.. What do you call that? Wel I can’t remember. Haha. The one that has a wide table (where you play) and there’s a net, and a disc. Coincidentally, I was on the BLUE side and chelle on the PINK side. Haha. ATENEO VS CEU? :p

After spending some time at ever, we decided to go back to CEU to meet with NICO and EAT. Yes, EAT. :] On our way back to CEU, rachelle remembered that she forgot to get her ID at the cashier. We’ve already walked TOO MUCH, that we don’t want to go back. So, we decided to just get it after we eat.

Together with Nico, we went to KFC. But the queue was SOOOOO long. So I told them that we’ll eat at FIRST STRIP instead. Nico needs to go back, so he didn’t eat. For the first time, he KISSED me, on the cheeks. Then, we waved him goodbye.

FIRST STRIP is another hang out we used to have before. We ate PORK KATSUDON as what I want to call it. :] After eating, we had another tripping. Just thinking about it already makes me LAUGH my HEART out. :]] We poured the left-over’s in the bowl of soup. IT WAS REALLY KADIRI. HAHAHA~ Since I don’t care about it, I even blew bubbles on it using a straw. Hahaha~





In a store, we saw cell phone straps and bought some. Rachelle and I had the same design so that we could remember each other when we use it. Meggie bought the MONG-key lace. Hahaha~ That’s how she calls it. :p

We went back to ever to get rachelle’s ID. And went back to CEU.. AGAIN. That’s the last time. Meggie and Ten decided to leave and go to Ten’s school.

On the other hand, chelle and I went back to the campus. But the guard at the SOUTH GATE was so strict that I failed in entering. BUT WAIT. That doesn’t end there. I told rachelle that we could pass through the DENT SCI. GATE. Suddenly, chelle said: “si sir carpio oh!”. SIR CARPIO was my favorite teacher at CEU. Then we had a little chat. With his help, I finally had the visitor’s pass. Hahaha.

Nico texted me that he’s at the FRIENDSHIP AREA. There, I saw my ex-classmate GHINE. Since rachelle still has her class, we went upstairs. At the 4th floor, I saw JANINE and had some talk with her. But then, rachelle said she doesn’t want to attend her class anymore. For the first time, I AGREED to her. While walking to the dent sci. gate, I noticed that my visitor’s pass was missing. MY HEART STARTED TO BEAT FASTER. I can’t remember where I dropped it. Then Nico appeared from our back giving me my pass. He said I dropped it moments ago, before we went upstairs.

Next we went to MINI STOP and bought a couple of ice creams then left. ONCE AGAIN, we walked and walked and walked, until we reach the terminal.

I texted my best friend JONA that I’ll go to UE by 4 pm. So, I waited for her at the RECTO GATE. Actually, I can feel my feet aching, because of the NON-STOP walk we had the whole time. I was surpised that she’s with her guy friends. Now that’s the first time I got inside UE. Haha. Then, jona introduced me to her friends and walked to the other gate. Although I don’t prefer LRT as my mode of transportation, I tagged along.

LRT moments were also FUN. I get to have a chat to my best friend’s suitor TRISTAN and others. AFTER NUMEROUS MONTHS, my bess and I had the chance to bond AGAIN. :] And I really missed it.

NALYN, jona’s classmate, walked with me to the terminal. She even paid my fare. THANKS TO HER. :] We talked about things concerning my best friend, and her current situation. “Kulang ang biyahe para sa kwentuhan” she said.

YESTERDAY, SEPT. 29, 2008, WAS UNDENIABLY ONE OF MY HAPPIEST DAYS. :]

“A DAY WITH MY BEST FRIENDS IS ALL WORTH THE ACHING OF FEET, HEAT AND HARD TIMES. THE LAUGHTERS WE ALL HAD IS IRREPLACEABLE.”

WHAT JERALYN RITCHELLE MEANS

You are fair, honest, and logical. You are a natural leader, and people respect you.
You never give up, and you will succeed... even if it takes you a hundred tries.
You are rational enough to see every part of a problem. You are great at giving other people advice.

You are friendly, charming, and warm. You get along with almost everyone.
You work hard not to rock the boat. Your easy going attitude brings people together.
At times, you can be a little flaky and irresponsible. But for the important things, you pull it together.

You are wild, crazy, and a huge rebel. You're always up to something.
You have a ton of energy, and most people can't handle you. You're very intense.
You definitely are a handful, and you're likely to get in trouble. But your kind of trouble is a lot of fun.

You are usually the best at everything ... you strive for perfection.
You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive.
You have the classic "Type A" personality.

You are relaxed, chill, and very likely to go with the flow.
You are light hearted and accepting. You don't get worked up easily.
Well adjusted and incredibly happy, many people wonder what your secret to life is.

You are a free spirit, and you resent anyone who tries to fence you in.
You are unpredictable, adventurous, and always a little surprising.
You may miss out by not settling down, but you're too busy having fun to care.

You are very intuitive and wise. You understand the world better than most people.
You also have a very active imagination. You often get carried away with your thoughts.
You are prone to a little paranoia and jealousy. You sometimes go overboard in interpreting signals.

You tend to be pretty tightly wound. It's easy to get you excited... which can be a good or bad thing.
You have a lot of enthusiasm, but it fades rather quickly. You don't stick with any one thing for very long.
You have the drive to accomplish a lot in a short amount of time. Your biggest problem is making sure you finish the projects you start.

You are a seeker. You often find yourself restless - and you have a lot of questions about life.
You tend to travel often, to fairly random locations. You're most comfortable when you're far away from home.
You are quite passionate and easily tempted. Your impulses sometimes get you into trouble.

You are very open. You communicate well, and you connect with other people easily.
You are a naturally creative person. Ideas just flow from your mind.
A true chameleon, you are many things at different points in your life. You are very adaptable.

You are truly an original person. You have amazing ideas, and the power to carry them out.
Success comes rather easily for you... especially in business and academia.
Some people find you to be selfish and a bit overbearing. You're a strong person.

HE'S MY "BF"(When your best friend turns out to be you dream boy friend)

Have you ever experienced falling in love to someone you consider your closest friend without him knowing it? It's not that easy, right? Especially if the two of you are always seeing each other. But what could be more complicated if it's your best friend whom you are in love with?

Being together everyday, sharing fun memories and laughing your hearts out, it's very fun to be with your best bud. He's very caring and thoughtful. And you really have great times whenever you're with him. He's like your ideal guy, your best friend, and a kuya too. But, then suddenly, just when he opened the door for you or asked to carry your things, your felt your heart beating so fast. You weren't aware, but it seems like you've fallen for your best friend.

For all those times you two were together, he has been so nice to you. If it's not because of the fact that you are best buddies, he might be mistaken as your boyfriend. It feels so right. Yet, it's also uncomfortable.

Since the day you felt different for him, things have also changed. You tend to give meaning to everything he does for you. And at the same time, you also feel disappointed if something not good happens, like seeing him with his other friends. You start to get jealous. But you also aren't like before, when you two run after and tickle each other. Why? Because you've been watching your movements when he's around. You somehow becomes shy. You tend to be different from the best friend that he used to have.

Being in this kind of situation would really give you headache--or worst, a heartache. You are clueless of what could happen if knew about it. There will only be two possible endings: your best friend feeling the same way too or a friendship under pretensions.

JUST WHEN YOU THOUGHT YOU'VE LOST YOUR EVERYTHING.

"The problem's not you.. it's me. It's just that we can't be together anymore."

It's never easy to just forget something that you have been used to. It's like your favorite doll being taken away from you when you're still a little girl. At first, you can't cope up. You'll miss its presence and long for it once in a while. Why? Because of one simple reason: you've had it for a very long time that it has already become a part of your life. But hey, do you think you'll just stay on that "i miss my doll" situation until the end of your life? If you think you will, then think again.

Letting go has really become one of the hardest choices a person makes. We can't just simply let go of what we have in just a snap. It hurts a lot, actually. But still, you can't even hold on to something that needs to go. It's the reality of life. Change is the only permanent thing in this world as they say.

Same goes in relationships. There will come a time when suddenly, everything changes. You'd be asking yourself, "what's the matter with him?" or "what's going on?". You are absolutely clueless. Yea right, you two are still together. But you feel that there's something weird going on. You'd ask him about the problem, and as usual, he'll just say "nothing". Then you think about it and realize that there's no problem at all. So you'll ignore it. And you're back to normal routines.

Days will pass. And without you knowing it, so is your partner. Just when you thought everything is alright, he'll come up to you and say, "The problem's not you.. it's me. It's just that we can't be together anymore." You'd be in shock, and start to wonder what went wrong. Random thoughts will run through your mind. Amidst all these, one word stands out : "WHY?". You talk to him and ask about it, but nothing clears it up. Instead, his explanations left deeper questions.

So what happens next? Left into oblivion, you'd tell him that you'll try to work things out -- you'll plea. But even if you do that, it won't change the situation and the truth that your relationship with him is over -- that he has left you for good.

You can do nothing about it anymore. He has decided, and you just have to respect his decision. Even if it hurts, all you can do is accept what happened and let go. That's hard, I know. But you have no other choice. And you now have to face your biggest fear of losing him. You can't hold him back, because you know to yourself that he won't let you.

After being so used of having him by your side, sending you texts every day and walking you home, you now feel alone and down. You feel incomplete. You feel worthless. You feel that you've lost your "everything". Wait, stop on that part. He isn't your everything, remember? And that's also the reality. You still have your friends willing to help you get through it. They're just waiting for you to let them lend a hand. It's not the end of the world yet. And all you have to do is divert your attention onto something else, make yourself busy, and most importantly, don't ever blame yourself on what happened. And if you really want to move on, then cut your communications for a couple of months. That's helpful, I'm telling you. Besides, would you still want to be with someone who has left you for no reason at all? It's his decision, so let him face it.

Time will pass and you'll be able to adjust to everything and be back to how you live your life before he has come into it. If you see him, there's no big deal. Who knows? Maybe, all the experiences you've gone through will be enough to make you know what to do next. And remember, just when you thought you've lost your everything, there would always be those significant others who will bring you back to reality and make you realize that everything isn't lost yet -- he's just a passerby who made you into a wiser person you are now.

--june 25, 2008 | 4:38 pm