Confused~

I don't know what to do. I know what I'm doing isn't right, but why do I keep on holding on?

I know I CAN'T let go easily. Perhaps I can do that. But that surely will be a tough thing for me.

I used to say I'm scared of KARMA. But with what I'm doing, I think I ate my own words. Why can't I stand up to what I used to think is right?

This is giving me headaches. The major part in me believes this should stop. I MUST put an end to this foolishness.

The sad part is, it seems like my heart isn't ready to let go of it yet.






*SIGH*

Help me. :(

07/08/2010

"I can trust nobody else but myself."

That's what I always tell myself. But I guess I had some doubt about it just now. Sometimes, your heart leads you to being hurt. Because you trusted it. That's the wrong move.

It's really better to let your mind rule over your heart--not the other way around. Your heart lets you feel what you WANT to feel. But your mind is the one who reminds you what you MUST do. We should listen to what our instinct tells us. It never fails to be accurate.

CATS Now and Forever

CATS Now and Forever

With Lea Salonga as Grizabella

Music by Andrew Lloyd Webber
Based on “Old Possum’s Book of Practical Cats” by T. S. Eliot

Performances starting July 24
For a strictly limited season
Tanghalang Nicanor Abelardo, CCP

Ticket Prices:

Matinee
SAT (3:00pm)
SUN (2:30pm)
PhP7000 PhP5000 PhP3500 PhP2000 PhP1000

Evenings
TUE, WED, THU (8:00pm)
SUN (7:30pm)
PhP6000 PhP4500 PhP3000 PhP1500 PhP750

Evenings
FRI, SAT (8:00pm)
PhP7000 PhP5000 PhP3500 PhP2000 Php1000

Ticket Prices are exclusive of Ticketworld fees.

SHOW DATES (as of April 2010)
SAT July 24 Matinee
SAT July 24 Evening
SUN July 25 Matinee
SUN July 25 Evening
TUE July 27 Evening
WED July 28 Evening
THU July 29 Evening
FRI July 30 Evening
SAT July 31 Matinee
SAT July 31 Evening
SUN August 1 Matinee
SUN August 1 Evening
TUE August 3 Evening
WED August 4 Evening
THU August 5 Evening
FRI August 6 Evening
SAT August 7 Matinee
SAT August 7 Evening
SUN August 8 Matinee
SUN August 8 Evening
TUE August 10 Evening
WED August 11 Evening
THU August 12 Evening
FRI August 13 Evening
SAT August 14 Matinee
SAT August 14 Evening
SUN August 15 Matinee
SUN August 15 Evening

For more info:
FB page (http://facebook.com/catsinmanila)
Tumblr page (http://catsinmanila.tumblr.com)

I wish I can watch this. Lea Salonga is the reason why I liked singing. :)

Why do I deserve an Android phone?

Dear Reader,

Habang nilagay ko sa google ang katagang 'promo philippines', lumitaw ang samu't-saring mga results. Pero may isa dun na talagang naging curious ako: "Im giving away an Android Phone!"

Naexcite ako, at agad kong binasa ang nilalaman. Tinignan ang mga litrato. Napaisip ako:

"Wow. Ang yaman naman ng isang 'to. May HTC na, may Blackberry pa. At take note, ipapamigay pa ang isang samsung phone na meron daw Android OS. Pero siguro, mabait lang talaga siya at hindi selfish."

Pero teka, bago ako tumuloy sa blog na 'to. May isang tanong muna ako:






Ano ba kasi yung 'Android' phone? (FAIL, I know.)

Seryoso, nung una, wala akong kaide-ideya kung ano ba yun. Ang alam ko na lang na Android e yung kalaban nina Son Goku sa Dragonball Z. Salamat sa internet at pwedeng pwedeng i-google kung ano ba talaga yun. :)) Tsaka ko nalaman na operating system pala ng cellphone yun kagaya ng Symbian at iba pa.


Sa parteng ito, siguro naman nahahalata mo na kung bakit ko ngayon gustong magkaroon ng kagaya nun. Hindi naman para maging kagaya nung mga Android sa Dragonball Z na may powers, pero pwede na rin kasi ang cool nila. Parang, kapag may Android phone ka, ang cool mo na din diba?

Gusto kong magkaroon ng phone na kagaya nun dahil kapag nagka-Android phone na ako... hindi na ako magiging inosente na hindi lang pala Dragonball Z ang may kinalaman android. Hahaha!

Gusto kong magkaroon ng phone na kagaya nun dahil hindi naman ako yung tao na bibili ng isang mamahaling gamit. Iipunin ko na lang yun para ipambayad sa tuition ko kung sakali. Praktikal lang. :)

Kaya ngayon, masasabi ko na talagang dahil sa pagiging curious, inosente at totoo sa kung ano talaga ang nasa isip ko at gusto kong sabihin, masasabi kong "I deserve an Android phone".

PS
Sino pa ang unang maniniwalang deserving ako? Walang iba kundi ang sarili ko lang, diba?

Soc.Psych Journal#1

Again, it's been a while since my last post. :|

Can't really manage to write a blog so often. *sigh*

Now here's a blog entry for my weekly Social Psychology Journal.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

To: mpapsych_arel@yahoo.com.ph
Subject: Journal (Psych5, Social Psychology)

Date: July 04, 2010.
Name: Narciso, Jeralyn Ritchelle C.
Topic/Lesson: Introduction to Social Psychology
Time: 2:30-5:30 P.M.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Journal #1.

Dear Reader,

Last Monday, we've finally met our Social Psychology professor. She was nice and I could say that she really knows what she's saying in front of the class. :)

The lesson focused on what Social Psychology is and some other factors related to it.

The class began with an introduction from all of us. Little did I know that she was already trying to observe our behavior and actually testing how we socialize. That's how she started relating the lesson to us.

I've learned that Social Psychology studies how we think about, influence and relate to one another. It's also an investigation on how individuals affect each other.

Aside from the technical meaning of Social Psychology, she also explained first impressions and the importance of it. Just like in an example she has cited, we should be careful on how we make an impression during a job interview. I agree, especially if there are hundreds of other applicants. We must try our best to make a positive impact.

Speaking of impressions, she made an activity for the class as well. She asked us to rate how we think about her in different aspects. On some, we based our answers using our impression of her. By the end of the activity, most of us had scores in the middle since we kind of played safe in answering the items. This only proved that there are really things we will only know once we get to spend some time with that person and know him/her better.

She also made me realize how being observant and analytic in a situation really make a difference. By giving more effort of observing what's happening around you, you can make better judgments and decisions.

The initial topic was really interesting. I hope the next ones would be the same way too. :)

That's all for now, Reader. I'm getting kind of sleepy now.

- Jeralyn Ritchelle C. Narciso aka Jelly

TEEN CLASH

Watch live video from mskyukai on Justin.tv

Sickness Galore. :|

I really hate being SICK. Redundant, I know.. But I'd say that I'm sick of getting sick.

My golly. I've been sick for like 2 weeks straight now. Me hates it soooo much. And because of this I really cant go back to work anymore. Gaaah.

Anywaaaay.

Back to being a normal college-teen-student-dubber-life.

Somehow I missed it, but at times I also miss my work. I miss talking to random people. I miss loooong hours of being over the phone. And most of all, I miss the people--or let's say some people I work with. I miss Team Lemon. I miss Daddy Atong. Etc. Etc.

Well, like what my Dad told me. Health is wealth. If I'm already getting sick, I really should quit whatever makes me sick.

I know, I'll miss that high salary. Those times that I can just easily buy what I want.. and go to different places I'd like. *SIGH*

..

..

Well, that's life. I guess I'd just have to look at the brighter side of life. Perhaps there's more to what I had. Maybe I have something better ahead of me. Think positive. :)

Aaaaaand. About this sickness, I sure hope that I'll be getting well real soon. I hate it. (Who does not, anyway?) =))

RANDOM THOUGHTS~

I want to make a song again, but whenever I try to, I fail. I can write the words, but that's just it. A song isn't a song if there's no melody, right? It's just considered a poem. :(


I get sick so often lately, and this isn't right. :


If only I can turn back time, I'd rather not meet you. You're one of my biggest mistakes.


You're the reason I can't sleep. You give me nightmares even if I'm wide awake.


I miss going to school. I miss my friends. I miss everything I was doing before I got this job.


Am I really gonna quit this time?


I want to go somewhere else and start a new life.

Q1 Changes. :D

Haha. Im just in the middle of the year's first quarter. It's been a while (again) since I last posted.

Anyway, I have a lot to share to you.

So far, I like the start of the year. :)

Let's talk about work. Hmm. I got my 'one time big time' incentive last January so I got P13,500 bonus aside from my regular salary. Believe it or not, I haven't spend that money yet. :)

I'm hoping that I will also be promoted sooner or later. It's kind of difficult to maintain my KPI--now that our account is really getting so demanding. So, I really hope so. I'm praying. *Crosses fingers*

And so far, officemates are still fine. Some people had an impact, some are still the same. But I can only say a thing: people do change.

Speaking of people, I also met few new friends. And I also had some time to catch up with my old ones. And I had time to fall in and out of love again.

Unfortunately, there were ups and downs when it comes to love and life itself. I really realized that you can't make someone fall for you because it's just going a decision which is his to make. You also won't know if he really likes you or what. Love is going to be very vague at firs. Like what I always say, it makes my world go topsy-turvy. But why can't I ever learn? Well I guess I'd have to deal with it. People come and go. Others may leave a mark, others may just be a face to remember.

Real men can be counted in a hand.

FELIZ NAVIDAD! :)

Hola. Just dropped by to say Merry Christmas! :)

It's already Christmas eve. :)

And guess what? Haven't mentioned it yet, but I already bought a new guitar. :D She's AVI. And I really REALLY like her.. ALOT! :D

More blessings to come. :D Thanks Lord. :)

Happy birthday Jesus. :)

HOLLA. :)

Hey. What's up?

I just felt like blogging. Hmm. Lately, I've been having this hesitation about that same guy this blog has been talking about lately. I was thinking if.. I could just let everything be and be back to what we were before. But, I don't know. I just really don't. I feel like I don't want to have any other attachments to him anymore. Perhaps we can just be plain friends. Period.

I know I'm doing the right thing. I just feel it.

Anyway, enough about him.

Hey! I want to buy a guitar! For real. I want to buy that as a christmas gift for myself. haha! I don't know why but I just get excited for the 25th.

Well, I hope y'all have a MERRY MERRY CHRISTMAS FELLAS. :)

Oh so LOVE December. :)

Hey, what's up?

I haven't blogged for quite a long time huh? :))

Been busy lately. You know what I mean. :))

Soooo.

Time to spill.

Mom just went back to Australia a couple of days ago. By now she's already enjoying her vacation..AGAIN. :))

And you know what? I just had a very, VERY good feeling for december. :D

Wanna know why? Cause all my hard work is paying off. :D God is giving me a lot of blessings that I can't just simply thank him for.

I gave my SE phone to my bro and bought a new one. :)

I have A WHOLE LOT of money from my own pocket now. :D (But of course, I would not intend to have all those spent with non sense stuffs)

and lastly...

IT'S CHRISTMAS TIME! :D

That means Christmas shopping! :D

Just can't wait.

PS--

Thank you Lord. :)

SUDDEN SADNESS~

I'm just surfing the net.

Then..

I remembered my best friends Rachelle and Nico.

RACHELLE -- let's talk about her first.

She's no longer using Fs. And the last time I texted her, her reply is: "Who are you? Don't text me anymore."

I replied. But she didn't. Now I'm still asking myself why.

NICO -- my guy best friend.

I was also texting him. But it was months ago since we had a real conversation.

We had plans of going out. But none of those happened.






Now I'm wondering. They're my best friends. But WHY can't I feel their presence?
Are we still what I think we are? :|
Or am I just the only one left in that memory.





This gave me a sudden feeling of sadness. I feel like crying. Something inside me wants to shout out loud and burst out of tears.

ABANDONMENT.

That's what I'm feeling again. I don't know. I just really don't. I want to keep our communications. I want to see them. But do they? :(

19TH OF OCTOBER

I HATE IT.

I just hate it every time I catch a cold. I'll be okay if I have a fever but it's a big no-no for cough or cold.

Ugh. I also hate drinking meds. Gaaaah.

**remembers something**

We'll be moving to a different house. --sigh.

SO THIS IS HOW IT FEELS

OCTOBER 09 2009

3 missed calls.

October 10 2009 :

2:30 am | Office

I woke up. Checked my phone. There were 3 missed calls from my mom.

I asked her why she's calling me. She didn't replied that fast.

Then I already started to take in calls. During the middle of a call, I got her response.

..

..

..

Then all of a sudden, I felt the coldness all through out my body. SHIVER. BLANK.

She told me there was a landslide in Baguio, and that YANA died.

YANA is like my little sister. She's only around 8-10. She's very sweet, yet snobbish. I like her. Really.

I CAN'T BELIEVE IT. I DON'T WANT TO BELIEVE IT.

But it's true. She's gone. I haven't gotten a chance to even see her for the last time cause we can't go to Baguio.

I just cried everytime I remember what happened. She's not related to me. I'm not her real sister. But I felt like I've lost a family member.

Then, I realized. This is how it feels.

It sucks. I don't like it.

DO I HAVE A CHOICE?

Lately, I've been feeling so confused.

Yea, what's new?

Suddenly, I don't feel like going to school anymore. I wanna shift to another course. But if I change my course, I'm going to be a freshman stud.. AGAIN. That'll be my third time in case. Imagine, I was supposed to be in my junior year now, but this is what happened.

I want to take up mass communication again. But can I handle the hectic schedule? I DON'T KNOW.

If not mass communication, I would then choose any computer course. But, I'll be back on being a first year by then.

Do I have a choice?

My mom insists that I won't be graduating here. Cause we'll be going somewhere else -- and that I'll finish my studies there.. somewhere down below.

Do I want to be there and repeat all over?

Do I have a choice?

I want to finish my studies. I really want to. But I want to do I want. I want to finish taking up a course that I love.

I want to be able to do what I do best.

Do I have a choice?

I don't think so.

DISASTER STRIKES~

It's been almost 4 days now since the storm made a drastic effect in our place. Yes. Drastic.

No lights. Unbelievable water level. Unbearable heat.

I really can't imagine that our house will be flooded that way, and even in our office -- total disaster. :|

I'm wondering, when will everything be back to normal?

IT"S NOT ABOUT YOU

I feel so bad,
my eyes are teary
and I can barely see.

Thoughts keep running
through my head
as I lay on my bed.

I keep on searching
not for him
but for another thing.

Yes, it's not him that
I'm looking for
anymore.

Aha! There you are,
my precious one,
my black guitar.

NOT ANOTHER MISTAKE.

Still remember the guy that I've mentioned in this blog site? Well that's a part of the past now. We've broken up last month -- before we even had our 5th month celebration. So what went wrong?

Everything was going on smoothly, I love how he cares about me. I just simply love being with him too. Little by little he has changed compared to what he was before. He became better. Our relationship grew. But for no reason at all, I started to fall out of love. Wait, scrub that off. Maybe there really is a reason. Then I've searched for it, thought about it, and knew what made me feel that way.

INGENUITY. That's one reason. I felt like I was not wanted but merely needed. Also, I really can't forget the time when he did something that really bothered me. That's not just plain jealousy I felt, but I also felt disrespected. Knowing that I'm there, in front of them -- he still did it. That's when I started to fall out. I tried to forget about it, but I just simply can't.

Then. We broke up.

Out of nowhere, I texted him that we're done. He was shocked, to the point that he really don't agree with what I've decided. I even talked to him in person just to officially end it up.

And that's it. End of the story.

I thought he was the one I've been waiting for all of my life. I felt a different kind of love. So different that it's not actually true.

Then, I met a guy from our office. I got interested in him and started to like him. A lot happened. And I don't know if I just did the same mistake again like what I did before. We talked everything over til we felt mutual for each other -- or at least that's what I thought.

Almost everyday we're together. He finds ways just to be with me. And we've been like this for more than a month now. All his actions, sweet nothings made me fall for him. But I did not know that's just it. He's not willing to go any further yet. He's not ready, that's what he says.

Then one day, I just felt different. I was longing for security. I was longing for assurance. But I know I should not demand anything from him. That's just not right. But it's just sad to know that though he can give me all the love and care in the world, he just can't give me anything to hold on to. I don't even have his word. He's just scared to even take any risk at the moment, and that's just what disappoints me. It's sad to know that the one you love can't try to be brave and get over with his past and try to move on..with you. Why can't he stand up on his knees and try to move forward? Why does he have to predict what can happen in the future? Can't he just go with the flow and just let things happen as it is?

He say he's not ready. But when will he be? By the time that I've fallen for someone else? What's the difference between tomorrow and now? I can understand him if we've just known each other for days. Well, perhaps he just don't think I deserve it. He thinks I can just be a mistake. That's why he's scared. And this is why I'm getting tired. He's somebody who's not willing to fight for you. And it just breaks my heart.