SUPER MEGA FRIENDS. :)

I just had one great day with the two of my closest friends everrr. Hahaha! :) We had so much fun. All we did the entire day is laugh out real loud cause the three of us never fail to say something stupid or funny or ironically witty. :))

I love these two.

"Last Christmas, I gave you my heart. But the very next day, you gave it away. This year, to save me from tears, I'll give it to someone special."

I keep on singing this song unintentionally. As if it's really what me heart wants to say out loud. Maybe it's because it tells exactly what I'm feeling right now.

The previous month was indeed one of my saddest times of all. I felt lonely with my family away from me. I fell in love a couple of times, but neither of the two made me feel what I was supposed to feel.

This year, I'm hoping that I would be more careful as to who I give my heart to. I'm hoping that it'll be the right time for me to really be loved in return. It's been a while since I last felt deeply and madly in love to someone.

I don't know if I'm ready to give my heart to someone else this year, but we'll see.

Why do I always check his profile though I've already deleted him from my list? Whenever I log in, I never fail to check his page though I know there will never be anything about me. I'll just see posts about how happy he is with his girlfriend and how in love they are with each other. Why am I doing this to myself?

I forgot to write a blog entry yesterday, too bad. Maybe I was too amazed by the dream I had. It felt really great. I didn't wake up in the middle of the night. I slept so well.

But it also made me realize, when am I really going to meet the guy who could make me feel that way? Someone whom I could cuddle each morning I wake up. Someone who kisses me whenever he feels like doing it. Someone who makes me smile randomly.

I haven't been in a relationship for quite some time now cause I have convinced my self that I'm not really searching to be in any as of the moment. I'm not into committing myself to someone yet. But I do like the feeling of having someone. It's ironic, but it's true.

***
I'll stop typing now. Will perhaps share more later evening.

Do you ever have this feeling of wanting to undo things from yesterday--like clicking the undo button on MS Word when you had a mistake?

How I wish life is just as easy as that. You can select which actions you wouldn't want to have done. You can go back and delete. But too bad. It doesn't work that way.

No matter how many times you wish to undo something, you just can't.

***
Sorry. I can't write anything nice right now. I feel sick.

UNFRIEND

Guess what I just did? I deleted him from my list of friends.

Maybe it's for me to finally be over him and avoid any more hurting. Cause the more I see him online and see his profile, the more I feel bad about the situation.

I thought I was over it and I can deal with it. But I don't know. There's just something about him that keeps on pulling me towards him. Something very weird and unexplainable. But this is enough. I can't be like this for so long. I have to accept it and move on.

This time, I have to make sure that I will not take back my action and fold up. I can do this. I know I can.

APPOINTMENT WITH GOD

When does a person say that he's had enough? That he just want to give up?

I just had a weird conversation with a friend who happens to be my ex-boyfriend. He started saying nice things about me. He gave me different advices, random thoughts, and words of wisdom as if he's going to die. Though he didn't say it directly, I knew what he meant when he said he was "going somewhere far where there'd be no facebook".

I kept on telling him, he shouldn't leave. That he has no right to take his life. I even remember telling him:

"Si God, hindi tumatanggap ng walk-in applicants, puro by appointment. (God does not accept walk-in applicants, it's always by appointment.)"

It's a mortal sin to commit suicide. And it's more appropriate to die naturally, in God's time.

I kept on telling him to stay and be strong. He says things that he could actually have told himself. If only there's a mirror, I'd place it in front of him while he was saying all those stuffs.

I've been in the same situation before. When I wanted to give up cause I thought I can't bear it anymore--with all the problems and hurting. I thought it's better if I just die and escape life. But no. Now I realize that it's a silly thing to even think about it.

That only meant that my relationship with God was not as strong as I can say it is now. Cause if it was, then I would have just prayed hard instead of assuming I was hopeless.

In my twenty years of living, I have learned a lot. I've been lost but I've also found my way back to what is right in God's eyes. I may be weak, but I have a God that I can hold onto now. He will never forsake us and will never make us go through anything we can't handle very well. He's there, guiding us.

Just when we thought we should just give up, we should just close our eyes and find Him deep within.

LAST DAY OF 2010

Today's the 31st of December and the year's almost over. I woke up early having a hard time getting up and I was just staring at the ceiling until I fell asleep again and again and again.

When I was staring at the ceiling, I have different thoughts on my mind: the boy I was talking about on my last entries, my family being away from me, and finally, me being with them this coming year. I was imagining my self talking to my relatives here in the Philippines while we're video calling on Yahoo! Messenger. I imagined my self being in that small box on the screen with my brother laughing and smiling. I imagined my self meeting my other relatives and cousins in Australia. I imagined things that are not located where I am right now. Away.

I'm getting all determined and sure about what I really want: I want to be with my family. This 2010, it was still a vague idea for me. I said I liked going to Australia but it seems like I didn't really mean what I said. But this time, it's the other way around.

I will be leaving this 2011 to be with my family. I will be leaving a lot of people that had great impact in my life. But it's part of it. We'll see each other after a long time, when they already have their own family, while we're on a vacation maybe. I don't know. There's a lot of ways on going back to where I came from. But there's only one shot on being with my family in Australia for good.

I hope God hasn't gotten tired of me yet. I hope His patience is as long as it can possibly be. I still hope. I am still hoping.

My life will be different this 2011, and I mean it. I will travel places. I will be doing the things I love to do. I will see new faces and meet new friends. I will have a new life, a better life. And this time, I'm going to live it the way it's supposed to be in God's way.

REALITY

Life can never be very giving to all of us at once. Sometimes, it's one at a time. Like being in a queue, it may test your patience, your determination, your perseverance, your will. The more difficult your experience is, the more worthy it becomes. You just have to hold on.

Remember, one stone thrown at you should not make you stumble. But if it does, you should still have the guts the stand up again. Little by little, slowly but surely, things like this will help you become a better and stronger person. You may not know it, but the next time you experience something similar to your previous troubles, you would be able to handle it with less effort unlike the first time you had it.

Life's about being hurt and being able to recover and live again. It's about being strong despite all the obstacles you may have to face along the way. It's a cycle. Continues and never ending. So we should just get used to it and realize that someday, we'll finally have our turn.

HEY

My hands are cold, and shaking. My heart beats so fast and I can feel every pounding of it through my chest. My eyes feel like they're going to flow rivers. Endless.

I don't even know why I let myself get into this. I did this to myself. And now I'm hurting so much. I know some people will tell me that I have no right to feel hurt because I was the one who did the wrong move. But hey, I just did myself a favor of being true to my heart. Nobody should tell me now that I have no right to feel hurt, because this is really what I'm feeling right now.

What have I actually done? I was okay the past few days, and here it goes. The year is almost over but there's still some more bad memories who want to complete my experience list. I don't get it. Why do I always, ALWAYS have to go through this kind of sh*t. I've had enough since childhood. Until now. When will I ever be happy?

Crying just makes my eyes look baggy and all. And the worst part is that my mouth has no use as of now. I can't yell, or scream, or shout. I can't. And that just makes it harder for me.

I wanna let it out. I wanna let it all out--out of my heart so the pain would go with the words as I say them, as I yell them--hoping that it would help me feel better.

WHY CAN'T IT BE? WHAT IF? I WISH YOU LOVED ME.

Lately, I've been having this feeling of excitement about someone. He makes me feel happy whenever I talk to him. Maybe it's because I knew that I had feelings for him back in the days. But c'mon. It's been a long time. I don't even know why I was very interested on him again.

We were having a very nice conversation made up of reminiscing the past, giggles, happy thoughts and all. I even took pictures of myself, and I can honestly say that there's something in my eyes.. something I can hardly explain. Though I feel like it's coming from within. Happiness.

We've been okay even until we said our good nights and good mornings. It's the feeling of not getting over the amazing conversation yet. But everything changed when I remembered one thing: he's already taken.

He's already in a very nice relationship and they've been together for quite a long time. This made me realize that I'm just expecting too much out of nothing. I was being carried away by the emotions and happy feeling that I forgot the truth. He's happily living his life before we bumped into each other again. We like each other, and we both know that. But it just can't be.

So I made him listen to the song "Why Can't It Be" by Nina

You came along, unexpectedly
I was doing fine in my little world
Oh baby please don't get me wrong
'Cause I'm not complaining
But you see, you got my mind spinning

REFRAIN:
Why can't it be
Why can't it be the two of us
Why can't we be lovers
Only friends
You came along
At the wrong place, at the wrong time
Or was it me

Baby I dream of you every minute
You're in my dreams
You're always in it
That's the only place I know
Where you could be mine
And I'm yours (Baby I'm yours)
Only till I wake up

REFRAIN:
Why can't it be
Why can't it be the two of us
Why can't we be lovers
Only friends
You came along
At the wrong place, (you came along) at the wrong time
Or was it me

REFRAIN:
Why can't it be
Why can't it be the two of us
Why can't we be lovers
Only friends
You came along
At the wrong place, (you came along) at the wrong time
You came along at the wrong place
At the wrong time
Or was it me (Or was it me)

Why can't it be...

My tears found their way out. And I just can't help it. I kept asking myself. Why? Why was it too late for us. Why didn't things go our way back to the days when we still had the chance.

Actually, I could still be with him. But I don't want to. I told him, I don't want to be a distraction on his relationship. I know myself too well. I will be hurt. And I wanted to avoid it. But still, another question runs through my mind. What If?

And while browsing for songs that I can dedicate to him, I found Kate Winslet's "What If"

Here I stand alone
With this weight upon my heart
And it will not go away
In my head I keep on looking back
Right back to the start
Wondering what it was that made you change

Well I tried
But I had to draw the line
And still this question keeps on spinning in my mind

What if I had never let you go
Would you be the man I used to know
If I'd stayed
If you'd tried
If we could only turn back time
But I guess we'll never know

Many roads to take
Some to joy
Some to heart-ache
Anyone can lose their way
And if I said that we could turn it back
Right back to the start
Would you take the chance and make the change

Do you think how it would have been sometimes
Do you pray that I'd never left your side

What if I had never let you go
Would you be the man I used to know
If I'd stayed
If you'd tried
If we could only turn back time
But I guess we'll never know

If only we could turn the hands of time
If I could take you back would you still be mine

'Cos I tried
But I had to draw the line
And still this question keep on spinning in my mind

What if I had never let you go
Would you be the man I used to know
What if I had never walked away
'Cos I still love you more than I can say
If I'd stayed
If you'd tried
If we could only turn back time
But I guess we'll never know
We'll never know

If we could only turn back time. But no, we can't. So we'll really never know. And I'd just have to deal with it.

But you know what? I'm still hoping, though I know it's never gonna happen. I asked him, "Do you love her?" and he answered "Yes." He even told me that he loves me and he didn't want me to stay away and leave. The exact words would be:

Boy: Mahal kita. (I love you.)
Girl: Pero mas mahal mo siya. (But you love her more.)

How I just wish it's me instead. How I wish he loved me. Only me.

And what I wanted to tell him has been pre-written in Tynisha Keli's "I Wish You Loved Me"

Somethin, somethin as simple as me hearin' your name (hearin' your name)
Puts me, puts me in a place that i can't even explain (uh oh, noO i ain't never been here before)
I really didn't know back then but right now I'm totally sure
Baby, i know I'm your friend but i wanna be much more (o0oh)

I get butterflies when i see you comin', o0o boy you got me runnin'
This feelin' in my stomach tells me i should be your woman
Because your the only one who makes my fairy tale come true

CHORUS:
How can someone make me so sad, but still i only want them to stay
I wanna say i love you so bad, but i don't wanna scare you away
Please, i wish that you'll understand that i wanna be more than just your friend
I wish you loved me

VERSE TWO:
I see, i see you talkin' to them girls on the phone
I wish that i could tell them all to leave you alone
Really didn't know back then, but right now I'm totally sure
Wh0aa who0 that i wanna be much more

Boy this is why, i never really liked your girlfriends (why)
Never really gave them a chance (why)

Because I realized that I'm your woman, your woman

CHORUS:
How can someone make me so sad, but still i only want them to stay
I wanna say i love you so bad, but i don't wanna scare you away
Please, i wish that you'll understand that i wanna be more than just your friend
I wish you loved me

BRIDGE:
Said if you really love somebody, i mean really really really, really love somebody
Let me hear you say yeah, let me hear you say yeah, yeahh
If you really know you need them, and you know deep down you never gonna leave them
Let me hear you say yeah yeah, hear you say yeah yeah

CHORUS:
How can someone make me so sad, but still i only want them to stay
I wanna say i love you so bad, but i don't wanna scare you away
Please, i wish that you'll understand that i wanna be more than just your friend
I wish you loved me

It's such a..Uhm.. I don't know. This song just struck me like so bad. This song made me feel what I didn't really wanna feel right now -- hopelessness over someone.

It's the situation where you want him to be yours, but things don't go your way. You badly want him. But you can only be friends. Right. That's what you can only be.

So I said goodbye to him. And it tore my heart apart.

Hey there

It's already4 in the morning but I can't sleep. Or maybe I just don't feel like sleeping.

Kuya's already in Australia. Cool.

I moved to Kuya Chris' room. And I still got a lot of things to do about this whole thing. Goodluck.

I PROMISE.

I will try my best to post on this blog regularly.

And to start it off, I just came home from our Chalkzone dubbing. My heels are both aching (maybe it's because of hours standing up). I still got an exam tomorrow morning, but I grabbed a Grande a while ago to keep me awake for the night since I still have to review. That's it for tonight.

See you'round.

ASSIGNMENT

Jeralyn Ritchelle C. Narciso

AB-Psychology

Limerick:

My friend and I came to town

To buy a wonderful gown

But we forgot

It’s worth a lot

So we came home with a frown

Cinquain:

Sun

Hot, bright

Burning, sizzling, shining

It keeps me warm

Light

Stars

Tiny, many

Shimmering, twinkling, sparkling

It mesmerizes my eyes

Glitters

Diamete:

Child

Young, sturdy

Playing, learning, running

Innocence, vibrancy, mastery, dullness

Resting, reminiscing, walking

Aged, frail

Elderly

Confused~

I don't know what to do. I know what I'm doing isn't right, but why do I keep on holding on?

I know I CAN'T let go easily. Perhaps I can do that. But that surely will be a tough thing for me.

I used to say I'm scared of KARMA. But with what I'm doing, I think I ate my own words. Why can't I stand up to what I used to think is right?

This is giving me headaches. The major part in me believes this should stop. I MUST put an end to this foolishness.

The sad part is, it seems like my heart isn't ready to let go of it yet.






*SIGH*

Help me. :(

07/08/2010

"I can trust nobody else but myself."

That's what I always tell myself. But I guess I had some doubt about it just now. Sometimes, your heart leads you to being hurt. Because you trusted it. That's the wrong move.

It's really better to let your mind rule over your heart--not the other way around. Your heart lets you feel what you WANT to feel. But your mind is the one who reminds you what you MUST do. We should listen to what our instinct tells us. It never fails to be accurate.

CATS Now and Forever

CATS Now and Forever

With Lea Salonga as Grizabella

Music by Andrew Lloyd Webber
Based on “Old Possum’s Book of Practical Cats” by T. S. Eliot

Performances starting July 24
For a strictly limited season
Tanghalang Nicanor Abelardo, CCP

Ticket Prices:

Matinee
SAT (3:00pm)
SUN (2:30pm)
PhP7000 PhP5000 PhP3500 PhP2000 PhP1000

Evenings
TUE, WED, THU (8:00pm)
SUN (7:30pm)
PhP6000 PhP4500 PhP3000 PhP1500 PhP750

Evenings
FRI, SAT (8:00pm)
PhP7000 PhP5000 PhP3500 PhP2000 Php1000

Ticket Prices are exclusive of Ticketworld fees.

SHOW DATES (as of April 2010)
SAT July 24 Matinee
SAT July 24 Evening
SUN July 25 Matinee
SUN July 25 Evening
TUE July 27 Evening
WED July 28 Evening
THU July 29 Evening
FRI July 30 Evening
SAT July 31 Matinee
SAT July 31 Evening
SUN August 1 Matinee
SUN August 1 Evening
TUE August 3 Evening
WED August 4 Evening
THU August 5 Evening
FRI August 6 Evening
SAT August 7 Matinee
SAT August 7 Evening
SUN August 8 Matinee
SUN August 8 Evening
TUE August 10 Evening
WED August 11 Evening
THU August 12 Evening
FRI August 13 Evening
SAT August 14 Matinee
SAT August 14 Evening
SUN August 15 Matinee
SUN August 15 Evening

For more info:
FB page (http://facebook.com/catsinmanila)
Tumblr page (http://catsinmanila.tumblr.com)

I wish I can watch this. Lea Salonga is the reason why I liked singing. :)

Why do I deserve an Android phone?

Dear Reader,

Habang nilagay ko sa google ang katagang 'promo philippines', lumitaw ang samu't-saring mga results. Pero may isa dun na talagang naging curious ako: "Im giving away an Android Phone!"

Naexcite ako, at agad kong binasa ang nilalaman. Tinignan ang mga litrato. Napaisip ako:

"Wow. Ang yaman naman ng isang 'to. May HTC na, may Blackberry pa. At take note, ipapamigay pa ang isang samsung phone na meron daw Android OS. Pero siguro, mabait lang talaga siya at hindi selfish."

Pero teka, bago ako tumuloy sa blog na 'to. May isang tanong muna ako:






Ano ba kasi yung 'Android' phone? (FAIL, I know.)

Seryoso, nung una, wala akong kaide-ideya kung ano ba yun. Ang alam ko na lang na Android e yung kalaban nina Son Goku sa Dragonball Z. Salamat sa internet at pwedeng pwedeng i-google kung ano ba talaga yun. :)) Tsaka ko nalaman na operating system pala ng cellphone yun kagaya ng Symbian at iba pa.


Sa parteng ito, siguro naman nahahalata mo na kung bakit ko ngayon gustong magkaroon ng kagaya nun. Hindi naman para maging kagaya nung mga Android sa Dragonball Z na may powers, pero pwede na rin kasi ang cool nila. Parang, kapag may Android phone ka, ang cool mo na din diba?

Gusto kong magkaroon ng phone na kagaya nun dahil kapag nagka-Android phone na ako... hindi na ako magiging inosente na hindi lang pala Dragonball Z ang may kinalaman android. Hahaha!

Gusto kong magkaroon ng phone na kagaya nun dahil hindi naman ako yung tao na bibili ng isang mamahaling gamit. Iipunin ko na lang yun para ipambayad sa tuition ko kung sakali. Praktikal lang. :)

Kaya ngayon, masasabi ko na talagang dahil sa pagiging curious, inosente at totoo sa kung ano talaga ang nasa isip ko at gusto kong sabihin, masasabi kong "I deserve an Android phone".

PS
Sino pa ang unang maniniwalang deserving ako? Walang iba kundi ang sarili ko lang, diba?

Soc.Psych Journal#1

Again, it's been a while since my last post. :|

Can't really manage to write a blog so often. *sigh*

Now here's a blog entry for my weekly Social Psychology Journal.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

To: mpapsych_arel@yahoo.com.ph
Subject: Journal (Psych5, Social Psychology)

Date: July 04, 2010.
Name: Narciso, Jeralyn Ritchelle C.
Topic/Lesson: Introduction to Social Psychology
Time: 2:30-5:30 P.M.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Journal #1.

Dear Reader,

Last Monday, we've finally met our Social Psychology professor. She was nice and I could say that she really knows what she's saying in front of the class. :)

The lesson focused on what Social Psychology is and some other factors related to it.

The class began with an introduction from all of us. Little did I know that she was already trying to observe our behavior and actually testing how we socialize. That's how she started relating the lesson to us.

I've learned that Social Psychology studies how we think about, influence and relate to one another. It's also an investigation on how individuals affect each other.

Aside from the technical meaning of Social Psychology, she also explained first impressions and the importance of it. Just like in an example she has cited, we should be careful on how we make an impression during a job interview. I agree, especially if there are hundreds of other applicants. We must try our best to make a positive impact.

Speaking of impressions, she made an activity for the class as well. She asked us to rate how we think about her in different aspects. On some, we based our answers using our impression of her. By the end of the activity, most of us had scores in the middle since we kind of played safe in answering the items. This only proved that there are really things we will only know once we get to spend some time with that person and know him/her better.

She also made me realize how being observant and analytic in a situation really make a difference. By giving more effort of observing what's happening around you, you can make better judgments and decisions.

The initial topic was really interesting. I hope the next ones would be the same way too. :)

That's all for now, Reader. I'm getting kind of sleepy now.

- Jeralyn Ritchelle C. Narciso aka Jelly

TEEN CLASH

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