SUDDEN SADNESS~

I'm just surfing the net.

Then..

I remembered my best friends Rachelle and Nico.

RACHELLE -- let's talk about her first.

She's no longer using Fs. And the last time I texted her, her reply is: "Who are you? Don't text me anymore."

I replied. But she didn't. Now I'm still asking myself why.

NICO -- my guy best friend.

I was also texting him. But it was months ago since we had a real conversation.

We had plans of going out. But none of those happened.






Now I'm wondering. They're my best friends. But WHY can't I feel their presence?
Are we still what I think we are? :|
Or am I just the only one left in that memory.





This gave me a sudden feeling of sadness. I feel like crying. Something inside me wants to shout out loud and burst out of tears.

ABANDONMENT.

That's what I'm feeling again. I don't know. I just really don't. I want to keep our communications. I want to see them. But do they? :(

19TH OF OCTOBER

I HATE IT.

I just hate it every time I catch a cold. I'll be okay if I have a fever but it's a big no-no for cough or cold.

Ugh. I also hate drinking meds. Gaaaah.

**remembers something**

We'll be moving to a different house. --sigh.

SO THIS IS HOW IT FEELS

OCTOBER 09 2009

3 missed calls.

October 10 2009 :

2:30 am | Office

I woke up. Checked my phone. There were 3 missed calls from my mom.

I asked her why she's calling me. She didn't replied that fast.

Then I already started to take in calls. During the middle of a call, I got her response.

..

..

..

Then all of a sudden, I felt the coldness all through out my body. SHIVER. BLANK.

She told me there was a landslide in Baguio, and that YANA died.

YANA is like my little sister. She's only around 8-10. She's very sweet, yet snobbish. I like her. Really.

I CAN'T BELIEVE IT. I DON'T WANT TO BELIEVE IT.

But it's true. She's gone. I haven't gotten a chance to even see her for the last time cause we can't go to Baguio.

I just cried everytime I remember what happened. She's not related to me. I'm not her real sister. But I felt like I've lost a family member.

Then, I realized. This is how it feels.

It sucks. I don't like it.

DO I HAVE A CHOICE?

Lately, I've been feeling so confused.

Yea, what's new?

Suddenly, I don't feel like going to school anymore. I wanna shift to another course. But if I change my course, I'm going to be a freshman stud.. AGAIN. That'll be my third time in case. Imagine, I was supposed to be in my junior year now, but this is what happened.

I want to take up mass communication again. But can I handle the hectic schedule? I DON'T KNOW.

If not mass communication, I would then choose any computer course. But, I'll be back on being a first year by then.

Do I have a choice?

My mom insists that I won't be graduating here. Cause we'll be going somewhere else -- and that I'll finish my studies there.. somewhere down below.

Do I want to be there and repeat all over?

Do I have a choice?

I want to finish my studies. I really want to. But I want to do I want. I want to finish taking up a course that I love.

I want to be able to do what I do best.

Do I have a choice?

I don't think so.