NOT ANOTHER MISTAKE.

Still remember the guy that I've mentioned in this blog site? Well that's a part of the past now. We've broken up last month -- before we even had our 5th month celebration. So what went wrong?

Everything was going on smoothly, I love how he cares about me. I just simply love being with him too. Little by little he has changed compared to what he was before. He became better. Our relationship grew. But for no reason at all, I started to fall out of love. Wait, scrub that off. Maybe there really is a reason. Then I've searched for it, thought about it, and knew what made me feel that way.

INGENUITY. That's one reason. I felt like I was not wanted but merely needed. Also, I really can't forget the time when he did something that really bothered me. That's not just plain jealousy I felt, but I also felt disrespected. Knowing that I'm there, in front of them -- he still did it. That's when I started to fall out. I tried to forget about it, but I just simply can't.

Then. We broke up.

Out of nowhere, I texted him that we're done. He was shocked, to the point that he really don't agree with what I've decided. I even talked to him in person just to officially end it up.

And that's it. End of the story.

I thought he was the one I've been waiting for all of my life. I felt a different kind of love. So different that it's not actually true.

Then, I met a guy from our office. I got interested in him and started to like him. A lot happened. And I don't know if I just did the same mistake again like what I did before. We talked everything over til we felt mutual for each other -- or at least that's what I thought.

Almost everyday we're together. He finds ways just to be with me. And we've been like this for more than a month now. All his actions, sweet nothings made me fall for him. But I did not know that's just it. He's not willing to go any further yet. He's not ready, that's what he says.

Then one day, I just felt different. I was longing for security. I was longing for assurance. But I know I should not demand anything from him. That's just not right. But it's just sad to know that though he can give me all the love and care in the world, he just can't give me anything to hold on to. I don't even have his word. He's just scared to even take any risk at the moment, and that's just what disappoints me. It's sad to know that the one you love can't try to be brave and get over with his past and try to move on..with you. Why can't he stand up on his knees and try to move forward? Why does he have to predict what can happen in the future? Can't he just go with the flow and just let things happen as it is?

He say he's not ready. But when will he be? By the time that I've fallen for someone else? What's the difference between tomorrow and now? I can understand him if we've just known each other for days. Well, perhaps he just don't think I deserve it. He thinks I can just be a mistake. That's why he's scared. And this is why I'm getting tired. He's somebody who's not willing to fight for you. And it just breaks my heart.